Growing Up
Here's a blogpost written by my sister on her blog, which I really enjoyed, and thought makes good sense, because it's grounded in a confidence and faith in our best friend. At the same time, it's written with a girl's voice, one that is distinctly hers, and in many ways, unimitable. This is also a piece of shamless publicity for her blog. Nonetheless, I hope it speaks and ministers to your heart like it has, mine.
today i learnt that i actually have grown up. as much as when each year passes and birthdays come (or maybe not, in my case) and go, i've never really felt any sharp transition from a state of youth into young adulthood or adolescence or whatever. every year was just another year. but something that i've learnt over these many 'another years' is that i truly have grown into a different person. not different as in a 360 degree turnaround of course, because no matter what essentially i still am who i am, but its more of the way i perceive things, the way i handle things, the way i react to things - these have changed over the years. and thats why i realise that i have indeed grown. im no longer the girl that used to think of fun and play and friends and disney and nice stationery and having my prince charming ride a white horse to come find me - sure, all of that is still somewhere in me, but right now im no longer that girl because now i know that fun and play come hand in hand with the right timing and the right attitude, that disney will always bring out the child in me but i can appreciate it for so much more than i used to, that nice stationery is no longer at the top of my impulse buy list because i know that money is hard earned and not dropped from the sky, and that prince charming - well, now i know if God does have a prince charming for me he will be the most charming of all, whether he comes riding on a white horse or not.
when people say that i am idealistic, i dont reject that because i know myself that i am. but perhaps the change over the years is that i am no longer an idealist with no sense of where my feet is upon the ground, with no sense of practicality nor awareness. right now i am an idealist who knows this world, and its evils and its twisted, sick ways. i am an idealist who has seen and experienced things that have hurt me and have brought me to the ground. i am an idealist who has been disappointed and had my dreams smashed into a million pieces over and over again. but no matter what, i am an idealist because i believe in the good in everyone because of the love that God has poured forth so majestically from His gates in heaven. i stick to my principles because i believe that imperfect beings can show perfect love because our God can empower us in ways that no one can fathom. and i try and try again because i believe that our God is a God of second chances.
so we're not perfect - but does that matter? what matters is we try to strive with what we can, with all our might, towards perfection, because God has promised that He will give us perfection the day we enter His gates. while we are on this earth, what is the point in being disillusioned and blinding yourself with hurt and sorrow and pain? what is the point of being bitter and thinking day after day, that no one cares about you and the world is a selfish place? the negative thoughts pervade our minds but we have the choice to thrash them into the recycle bins of our being. we have the choice to choose between to love or to hate, to try or to give up.
i admit i used to judge alot. inside my head of course, so that no one would know and judge ME for judging. haha ironic isnt it. i used to blame people for certain decisions they make, because i expected them to know better, to know what is right, to do what i thought was the right thing to do. but maybe its one thing that jc has taught me. to see things from other people's perspectives. or rather, to understand that other people DO have their right to their choices and points of view, and not everything i say is the gospel truth - not even close to that. nowadays when i encounter those situations, its no longer that indignant judging that surges up inside of me, but rather a quiet and silent prayer to God, to assure myself that He does know best and that He wants people to learn through different experiences. and a silent note to myself to remember to pray for that person. to be honest, i am pleased with this new found sense of maturity. thinking back on my past actions, it was thoroughly childish and unchristianlike. even though once in awhile, the judgemental mini me does find its way into my head, now i know that i have the ability, the choice, to squash her back down where she belongs.
from time to time when people make random statements about me, i tend to ignore most of them because most of them just reflect how little those people understand who i truly am. maybe no one knows. maybe its a secret between God and i, who i really am. maybe it is even a mystery to me, because God's plan to mould me is still unknown to everyone but Himself. meanwhile, perhaps i am still searching for who i really am. but in the midst of searching, i have found bits and pieces of that person that i am to be. small steps of maturity toward a dark tunnel that i am to step toward. its the small things that keep me going, and piece bits of myself together.
small things like the experience of working, like family, like friends, like music, like the still small voice inside of me that only i can hear.
and slowly, step by step, i am inching towards heaven being on the inside of me.
today i learnt that i actually have grown up. as much as when each year passes and birthdays come (or maybe not, in my case) and go, i've never really felt any sharp transition from a state of youth into young adulthood or adolescence or whatever. every year was just another year. but something that i've learnt over these many 'another years' is that i truly have grown into a different person. not different as in a 360 degree turnaround of course, because no matter what essentially i still am who i am, but its more of the way i perceive things, the way i handle things, the way i react to things - these have changed over the years. and thats why i realise that i have indeed grown. im no longer the girl that used to think of fun and play and friends and disney and nice stationery and having my prince charming ride a white horse to come find me - sure, all of that is still somewhere in me, but right now im no longer that girl because now i know that fun and play come hand in hand with the right timing and the right attitude, that disney will always bring out the child in me but i can appreciate it for so much more than i used to, that nice stationery is no longer at the top of my impulse buy list because i know that money is hard earned and not dropped from the sky, and that prince charming - well, now i know if God does have a prince charming for me he will be the most charming of all, whether he comes riding on a white horse or not.
when people say that i am idealistic, i dont reject that because i know myself that i am. but perhaps the change over the years is that i am no longer an idealist with no sense of where my feet is upon the ground, with no sense of practicality nor awareness. right now i am an idealist who knows this world, and its evils and its twisted, sick ways. i am an idealist who has seen and experienced things that have hurt me and have brought me to the ground. i am an idealist who has been disappointed and had my dreams smashed into a million pieces over and over again. but no matter what, i am an idealist because i believe in the good in everyone because of the love that God has poured forth so majestically from His gates in heaven. i stick to my principles because i believe that imperfect beings can show perfect love because our God can empower us in ways that no one can fathom. and i try and try again because i believe that our God is a God of second chances.
so we're not perfect - but does that matter? what matters is we try to strive with what we can, with all our might, towards perfection, because God has promised that He will give us perfection the day we enter His gates. while we are on this earth, what is the point in being disillusioned and blinding yourself with hurt and sorrow and pain? what is the point of being bitter and thinking day after day, that no one cares about you and the world is a selfish place? the negative thoughts pervade our minds but we have the choice to thrash them into the recycle bins of our being. we have the choice to choose between to love or to hate, to try or to give up.
i admit i used to judge alot. inside my head of course, so that no one would know and judge ME for judging. haha ironic isnt it. i used to blame people for certain decisions they make, because i expected them to know better, to know what is right, to do what i thought was the right thing to do. but maybe its one thing that jc has taught me. to see things from other people's perspectives. or rather, to understand that other people DO have their right to their choices and points of view, and not everything i say is the gospel truth - not even close to that. nowadays when i encounter those situations, its no longer that indignant judging that surges up inside of me, but rather a quiet and silent prayer to God, to assure myself that He does know best and that He wants people to learn through different experiences. and a silent note to myself to remember to pray for that person. to be honest, i am pleased with this new found sense of maturity. thinking back on my past actions, it was thoroughly childish and unchristianlike. even though once in awhile, the judgemental mini me does find its way into my head, now i know that i have the ability, the choice, to squash her back down where she belongs.
from time to time when people make random statements about me, i tend to ignore most of them because most of them just reflect how little those people understand who i truly am. maybe no one knows. maybe its a secret between God and i, who i really am. maybe it is even a mystery to me, because God's plan to mould me is still unknown to everyone but Himself. meanwhile, perhaps i am still searching for who i really am. but in the midst of searching, i have found bits and pieces of that person that i am to be. small steps of maturity toward a dark tunnel that i am to step toward. its the small things that keep me going, and piece bits of myself together.
small things like the experience of working, like family, like friends, like music, like the still small voice inside of me that only i can hear.
and slowly, step by step, i am inching towards heaven being on the inside of me.
posted by leb at 1:40 PM
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