Thoughts for the Week

I hate fights with the people that I love. BUt everyone now and then, one pops up. Sometimes for the most ridiculous of reasons. Somehow, when that happens, I just feel this burning feeling in my heart, and it really feels so acidic it tears its way right through me and eats everything up inside. I suppose that's what pain and hurt feel like. It's usually accompanied by feelings of deep bitterness, "why mes" and "what nows". Sometimes, it ends up with me feeling like the world is collapsing in around me, despite the fact that I'm desperately trying to prop it up with little maxims of faith and Scripture. Those support beams don't hold, and everything comes crashing down. A good night's sleep, even amidst the chaos, tends to be the best remedy, because the next day, even though you still feel shitty, is still another day.

But still it's funny that in the midst of this rubble, a thought struck me- God really does use disasters to draw us closer to Him. Sometimes, no matter how we discipline and regulate ourselves according to 'spiritual regimes' during the good times, we always end up with some form of complacency and self-reliance. When disasters strike, all we have left is really to pray and beg for His mercy. I went to mass last night, and the priest said, over and over again, "Lord have mercy upon us." When things go wrong, and people look untrustworthy and doubtful, only God remains constant and consistent. His word assures us of His promises and His character, which will never change. He is totally trustworthy. And there's something about His house, and the gathering of people seeking Him, that is equally assuring. I'm praying for disaster to go away, for crisis to be resolved, yes. But I'm also praying for a touch of His presence, and I'm thanking Him for drawing me near amidst the problems of my life, and that in those, He doesn't reject me or push me away even though I have so very often, turned away from Him in my moments of self-confidence and complacency. Instead, His arms are wide open, inviting and welcoming, just like the arms of the prodigal son's father who saw his son at a distance and ran to him.

When all we have is gone and we're left bankrupt, and the fair-weathered friends we make have deserted us, and all we can do is plea with our father for mercy, what a surprise to find Him waiting and holding out His arms of love to receive us. How unworthy I am, to dare to approach someone so generous, beautiful, kind and forgiving! And my unworthiness makes His grace all the more praiseworthy and magnificent.

I know that God will make a way out of this situation, however hopeless and seemingly impossible. I believe that God can heal invidivuals and relationships, immeasurably beyond what we ask and hope for. Yes, He can do all these things. And even out of this mess, God can bring something beautiful to pass.